I need to go forward, and this is preventing me from doing so.
I’m not sure where to begin when it comes to discussing my ‘ailment.’ I’m a stable person who nearly never does anything rash, but I feel like the price I have to pay for it is more than significant. My mind and body are never at ease. I just feel like I can’t fully relax and enjoy things. I normally don’t allow myself to become too depressed or overjoyed. The only time I feel like I’m losing control is when other people, such as partners or family, may trigger it, because, at that moment, I lose my posture and have no control, and even then, I feel like I didn’t properly express how I’m feeling. I believe my mind and body are afraid of losing control, so they have developed a number of defense systems to keep my emotions from reaching their full potential. That has an impact on everything I do: I can’t always sing as well as I’d want, I can’t draw without my hand being completely relaxed, and you can see the strain in my handwriting. My body makes robotic movements, therefore I can’t dance correctly. Also, I don’t like receiving massages since they hurt my body because it isn’t relaxed. I want to realize my maximum potential, and I don’t want my subconscious mind to hold me back. I’m continuously thinking about things and looking for potential patterns in order to avoid making a mistake. Is anyone else in the same boat? Has anyone managed to overcome this, and if so, how did they do it? Yoga is certainly one of the keys, but I’m not in a city where I can do it right now, so it’s off the table for the time being. Thank you for taking the time to listen and respond ahead of time.
Make yourself at ease with failure and uncertainty. I suffer with this on a regular basis, and I’m well aware that it’s a hellish prison. It was chatting to women that gave me my first taste of beating it. If they approached me, I would sweat, shake, and go into full terror mode (even just in a friendly way). When I realized something needed to change, I took two steps:
1.) Fake it till you make it: I’d observe people who seemed at ease and mimic their posture. It felt strange at first, but it’s amazing how the body can lead the mind.
2.) In low-risk scenarios, I’d practice failing. It happened to me when I was dealing with people like gas station employees, waiters, and others. I’d have more fun with it if I knew it was only going to be for a short while. It gave me confidence since I understood I couldn’t make any fatal mistakes as long as I wasn’t being a jerk (which I wasn’t).
I soon became enamored with the concept of risk and, of course, reward. Because it was never truly fatal, it felt less fatal. My mind and body were simply locked in the belief that it was.
It will most likely manifest in a different way for you. However, the lesson remains the same: observe people who are relaxed and seek out low-risk opportunities to fail/succeed/learn. This will help you become more comfortable with the idea of rolling the dice and appreciating any of the three possibilities.
Work on your breathing as well. You’re conscious that you’re tense, which is a significant first step. Now, when you’re ready, take a deep breath, exhale slowly, shake your fingers, and remind yourself that it’s not all that serious, and being in charge isn’t all that pleasant.
